You Just Gotta Want It

Something has happened to me over the course of the last couple weeks that has surprised even me: I suddenly have the desire to train, and train harder than ever before. I am preparing for the San Antonio Rock and Roll Marathon in November, and although there will be little goals set along the way that I’d like to reach, this is my big race for the fall - much like it was last year.

There is a huge difference between a year ago and today though: Now, there is desire, and dare I say it, passion. However, I think the most important change is me finally believing in myself. I kept trying to tell myself last year that just as long as I make it through the training I can do it, but it wasn’t enough. That’s not truly believing in yourself. There wasn’t a desire to be the very best runner I could be, not like there is now anyway. I want to wake up early every morning to get in those necessary miles. I want to do the drills and core work that I know will help strengthen and power me through those tough workouts Jer is methodically planning out. I want to make sure I get 8+ hours of sleep a night because I know how important it is in the recovery process of training. Surprisingly enough I also want to eat in a way that will help prepare my body for all those 100+ mile weeks that are ahead.

If you know me at all you know I’m a pretty competitive person. I’m not going to set my sights on something without properly training for it. I was terrified of the type of training that was in store for me during the summer and fall of 2010. I tried to hide it and pretend like it wasn’t there, this fear, but it took over in a way that was destructive to my training and in turn my performance.

We (Jer and I) set a goal of 2:46 last year for the marathon. We adjusted the goal as time came closer and we realized I wasn’t quite there yet. Once race day came along there wasn’t much I could do to change how I was going to perform, all the work was already done. I raced my heart out on November 14th of last year, but I wasn’t prepared mentally for that type of racing. Don’t get me wrong, I pushed myself more than ever before on that day, but the pushing should’ve been there the past 6 months leading up to it.

Sometimes I think I wasn’t ready to run a marathon last year, mentally. It’s 26.2 miles non-stop. That’s a long way to go. But I also don’t think I’d be feeling the way that I am now without having run it last fall. The first time racing a marathon you truly get a feel for what it’s like and no workout is ever going to compare. There is also the possibility of having low iron levels this past fall. We got my blood checked out in the early spring of 2011 and noticed how dangerously close to being a full out anemic I was. We’ll never know if my ferritin level had anything to do with my performance during the training leading up to the marathon, but it’s an interesting thing to note.

Anyway, I now find myself pushing the envelope more during workouts. Granted I’ve only been seriously training for the past 3 weeks, but Jer and I both noticed this desire that’s suddenly surfaced. There is this willingness to take a leap and really go for it. I look back on the past 6 years of training and I can honestly say I’ve never been this focused before on wanting to be the very best that I am capable of being. It could definitely be related to the fact that a lot of stressors are gone too. The whole getting a masters degree while planning for a wedding at the same time as having a demanding full time job is (thankfully) over. Attempting to train was becoming harder and harder, especially as the wedding and graduation date neared.

Lately things have calmed down and the hardest thing to deal with now is walking that very thin line between training at the highest possible level while avoiding injury. Here’s to seeing what happens over the course of the next 4.5 months and hoping this new found passion to explore my limits sticks around until then.