Running with the Daums: The Coach-Athlete and Husband-Wife Relationship: How Does it Work?

So it’s November, the declared month of thankfulness. Although I don’t think it should be limited to just one month, I do appreciate the fact that it reminds people to take a step back and reflect on those that have truly made a difference.

When I was traveling with the Trinity cross country team, to the national meet last week, we had ten glorious hours of travel time on the first day. On the positive side of things it led to some bonding time. One runner asked me for instance, how exactly things worked with Jer, my husband, also being my coach. At first I thought about the fact that for a good amount people it just does NOT work. Then I kept trying to think of all the times Jer and I had arguments about training or racing or anything coaching related. The problem I began to notice during this time was that the memories that kept popping up, while trying to find the bad ones, were some of the most wonderful moments I have had with Jer. Besides my college coach, Jer knows my running career better than I do. He knows what works and what doesn’t. He supports me in every way possible. He knows how to motivate me. He has gotten me to perform far better that I could ever have imagined myself doing. I honestly can’t think of anyone else who would be a better fit for me as a coach. Of course, in any relationship, communication is KEY. We always talk about what's going on as to make sure we're both on the same page. Now this does not mean we have never had running related disagreements, most of the time it's lively discussion in which we don't always agree, but I wouldn't say any of them have put a strain on our relationship . And no, there is not a clear cut separation from our husband-wife and coach-athlete relationship. We don’t put on separate hats when we’re playing different roles, it just intermingles. I believe it works because we have such a strong relationship in both aspects of our marriage and running that it has formed into a unique part of our lives. Heck, I'm even trying to be play the self-designated role as Jer's coach now! He's learning to adjust :) Also, since we live with one another it's pretty obvious he knows what my sleeping, eating, and lifestyle habits are. We both help to keep each other honest when it comes to these choices in life and it's been pretty easy to live as close to the ideal running lifestyle as possible when you have someone there to keep you in check.

The more time I have had to reflect on Jer being my coach the more I realize how far we’ve come as a couple. We have grown so much together over the last seven plus years that we’ve somehow managed to have even fewer arguments than ever before. I’m still having a hard time even remembering the last time we did argue, running related or not. It is quite shocking seeing as how both of us are rather opinionated. I absolutely consider myself lucky to have the type of husband, best friend, and running coach that Jeremy is. I think we’ve figured out a great system, and it works because he is just that phenominal of a guy and of course, because I’ve learned to listen :). He has been just as invested in my running as I am, if not more so, and I know that I don’t say it enough, but I am truly grateful to have him in my life. Today, on this pre-Thanksgiving day three years ago, Jer asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I’m just glad I was lucky enough to have been asked.